All About You! ~ Mental Health Awareness Month

Crisis. That’s the experience most of us believe we are in when we begin seeking a professional counselor. And if you ever find yourself seeking for professional mental health services, I would say, “do your research” and trust that your crisis, if that is what you are labeling the pressuring circumstance causing you unrest, will still be there when you find the best suited professional mental health provider to assist you with unraveling the crisis.

Finding a counselor, is like finding that right shoe that fits without force. You know that shoe that is firm yet flexible enough to allow your foot to glide into the comforting arch and heal support? The shoe that allows for your toes to rest into their own space, while not layering on top of one another squeezed in just to make a fashion statement… You know what else finding a counselor might feel similar to but is so much different from? Finding a mate! I laugh as I type this because sometimes we find ourselves in intimate relationships wanting someone’s support as we face day-to-day challenges. Or, while in a relationship we desire someone to validate our thoughts and decisions for the confidence boost we may need – no matter how outrageous our thoughts may be… or not. And how about just wanting that unique person to have stimulating conversations with that nourishes your soul? Yes, looking for a counselor can resemble those desires and more. To normalize the counseling experience for some that may be hesitant to show a complete stranger the inside of your heart, counselors often roll into the role of cheerleader, mentor, and in our most human nature, a trusted friend that our clients learn quickly to treasure silently. I use the word silently in respect to creating  protective boundaries within the counseling relationship. A few clients have chosen to share with me that “if you weren’t my counselor, we would be great friends!” Unbeknownst to them, a trusted friend is a counselor. Do you have professional friends who have helped you overcome a crisis and you wanted to express your gratitude?

In the case of honoring the counseling code of ethics, to build a trusted relationship where the pursuant of the relationship (client) is in need of a non-judgmental and trusted space to process hurt or decisions one must make, friendship develops as a result of vulnerability. Vulnerability, however is represented twice in this equation. There is vulnerability of the client who is asking to be stretched, challenged, and supported throughout the process; and there is vulnerability of the counselor who agrees to join the process putting aside all preconceived notions that may potentially derail a genuine and positive healing experience for the client.

This may sound easy to do when the idea is that the counselor is the helper; however, though it may appear that counselors are superhuman, we are naturally human too with human crises. I believe it may be safe to say, in “one” counselor’s defense, that we have not only been trained to listen with the intent to troubleshoot the crises, but our character, life experiences, and talents causes us to naturally care about others outside of ourselves. Now, I am only speaking of counselors in honor of Mental Health Awareness Month. I know, all humans care about others outside of themselves. That is why the nature of life and living is intertwined with being in relationship with others. Caring outside of ourselves, even if our care naturally is to choose an animal over a human – supports our craving to love. So, when searching for a professional helper to come along your journey of transition, transformation, and enlightenment take notice to how safe you feel through the counselor’s reactions to you and your story, their tone, and intentional follow-up. If you feel cared about move forward. If not, keep interviewing, the crisis will be there or the crisis may take care of itself.

Culture tells us that when we are in crisis, we need to rush; make a rash decision; or move swiftly to put the fire out because of the thoughts we entertain which may be cultivating the anxiousness the body experiences: “what if the whole house burns up, then what?” “who else is going to fix it?” “how many more has to die” or “what if that “thing” becomes exposed?”  “what then, will I have to do next?” “I can’t stand to lose anything else!” LET THE HOUSE BURN DOWN! You can’t save everything by balancing multiple plates on your head and in your hands. The house burning all the way down may just be setting you up for a new and improved home. Did you consider that? Or, are you so attached to the traditions experienced, memories created, and dreams never hatched that you attached to this “house” that you will kill yourself trying to save it? The house of course is being used as a simile.

There are often rehearsed fears we work diligently at avoiding. These fears show up and take up mental space in attempt to move us into a direction we may not have decided on, if we had paused to give attention to stillness. But since time is of the essence we must “Go, Go, Go.” And “RIGHT NOW!” When in actuality, we may need to quiet the hurriedness and calm down. What’s the rush for? Remember, the crisis will be there to attend to. Give yourself a breather to place all things into perspective as much as you can with the power and faith that you have. According to what you believe is what you will experience. So yes, seeking a counselor much like seeking a mate will include wanting someone to support you as you face the fears, validating your areas of growth, challenging you to think positively and creatively in those areas needing growth while all the while engaging you in a self-healing stimulating discussion – all about YOU!