A Personal Post for Ladies

Ladies,

Please hear my heart and not someone telling you something that YOU already know just me merely speaking from my experience, lately.

After a conversation with a few girlfriends, I recognized that whether married or not, most women invest a great deal of expectations into what they desire their marriage to be. Throughout our back and forth emails, frustrating stories ranging from “caring for the kids while hubby just sits there” to “communicated desires gone unheard and unattended to by hubby” filled the inboxes of five girlfriends, who are separated by distance but connected through airwaves. Most women of our caliber (educated, independent, and self-motivators) begin to think to themselves, “Why Did I Get Married?”, “I Can Do This by Myself!”, “Why Should I Get Married?!” A short moment of venting can easily turn into shoulda, coulda, woulda’s and lead one away from the joys of “why you initially desired to be connected to someone else in the first place”.

When I became serious about understanding my role in marriage, I was instructed to 1.) Read THREE BOOKS, 2.) Choose ONE DAY A WEEK TO FAST (from midnight to 4pm the next day), and 3.) Take NOTES OF WHAT I LEARNED THROUGHOUT MY READING to process with an accountability partner (a married woman whose perspective on marriage is positive: Important).

When my complicated heart was open to being changed I was open to instruction. I had decided that I NEEDED TO, better yet I MUST DO IT GOD’S WAY, if I wanted to have peace in my marriage. It doesn’t matter really how much I read the bible, attend service faithfully, pay tithes consistently, or speak the word of God in my circles, I MUST BE READY to protect what I value at all times. Though I believe when we allow ourselves to become VULNERABLE to the TRUTH we are open to receiving the truth and change; however, most people most often equate reciprocity with vulnerability. “If I reveal my deepest desires, you should too”, “If I give, you give.” And when that doesn’t happen, our hearts become harden once again. But VULNERABILITY is good…! What I am vulnerable to is my own ways and desires; in my marriage, well, I’m not sure what they may be but I can bet at some point my frustrations may mimic my girlfriends’ frustrations or maybe not.

BOOKS

The three books I was instructed to read were: Maximized Manhood; Communication, Sex, and Money (both authored by Edwin Louis Cole); and The Power of a Praying Wife (by Stormie Omartian). To say the least, these books have and are blessing my life; if not to marry, to definitely encourage my thinking and approach in complicated matters with all people.

The first tip I learned: Any issue in your marriage, household, or even on the job starts with Man.

The second tip learned: Women have a role which is not to be Man and WoMan – Stay in your lane; ask where you can help, then by helpful. If he says he has it, LET HIM HAVE IT! If you insist on proving that YOU ARE SuperWoman, then, he will let you be Superwoman… Don’t complain.

Third most valuable tip: Men are to provide women with an Identity, Security, and Stability. When men are unsuccessful or not yet ready to commit in such a way that these three elements are provided for a woman, she tends to seek it herself, hence the attitude, “I don’t need a man.” Yes you do.

FASTING

Fasting one day a week was simply about my sacrificial offering to God; to remain connected to Him; to begin developing a lifetime of specified and special time with Him before (in my case) the husband and children come into the picture.

“First things first”, time set aside for He and I. Therefore, when the turbulence comes, I’m in tuned with His Spirit and can easily follow the instructions given to me to turn any situation around. We must remember that even after prayer, there is a waiting process so don’t get weary, remain steadfast. Again, praying for change, I have learned is greater when my heart is not hard but is in a place of yielding so change can take place in ME first. I desire NOT to be the wife who drives her husband on top of the roof as referred to in proverbs. Change comes from within me first, then my situation changes. What an awesome formula. “If I change my situation changes.” It’s necessary “to thine own self be true”.

NOTES

Taking notes can be equivalent to meditating. My notes have simply become my underlining in my books or my side notes written in my books, and debriefing with my accountability partner.

The question is, have I noticed and experienced change? YES I have! Change in my understanding of man’s role and my role according to the Kingdom of God and how I am to strategically, play my role as the Queen in this intense chess game. The real question is, have someone else noticed change? Hmm, the verdict is still out on that one.

One thing I trust and believe is that the Holy Spirit has an answer to the formula of change… a soft heart, kind words, supportive behavior, and time with God to talk about the disheartening situations while asking for the answer to the ultimate question, “What do you want ME to do Lord?” When we are frustrated with struggling with our own desires and needs not being met, this is typically not the question we may want to ask but need to ask. Our obedience to His Spirit WILL be rewarded. I am experiencing just a small ounce of the promise which is getting me excited to PRAISE God for the rest!  First: Pray about it, get an accountability partner who believes in marriage, meditate on what’s pure, be responsible for your role, ask where you can help instead of just doing what you’re so good at, don’t take away what he is responsible for, and Praise God in the meantime.

So pick-up these fast and easy reads that will inevitably make your time with God, however that looks for you, an interesting two-way dialogue.

I pray your heart is open to hearing what His Spirit wants to share with you and that your courage to follow is daring.

An Open Heart