A Tribute: Shine Bright like a Diamond

The recent lost of icon Dr. Maya Angelou has placed a demand on this generation’s voice to arise.

Here’s one voice of many…

I had the pleasure of listening to Tracy Morgan, an actor and comedian, perform his current stand-up act at the Chicago’s House of Blues. Walking away from the event, I remember pondering on the statement he made, “the world is getting dark.” I started to think and discuss with my guest about the observed darkness in government, societal values, and families. From the conversation, I was left to believe that darkness is yet a sign demanding light. Therefore, the onus is on the now generation with light within them to step up and speak!

So I started with family first…

Before the comedy show, my mother and I attended a women’s retreat in Hopwood, Pennsylvania where I was asked to speak and present a workshop on “Girl, what’s holding you back?” Similar to my classroom lectures, I peeled back one layer of the onion at a time starting with attachment.

As children we learn certain attachment styles from our parents/caregivers. We mimic those behaviors in other relationships as kids and grow to take ownership of the behaviors as adults. The nurturing or lack of a person has received from their parents/caregivers will determine one’s relationship language. For example, if as a child you received plenty support, affection, and a balance of discipline or instruction educators might presume you have a secure identity; whereas, if you believe you were neglected, unattended to, and could not trust your parents/caregivers for support, educators may describe your attachment style in relationships as ambivalent or avoidant due to your trust issues you experienced with your parents/caregivers.

The next layer of peeling continued with increasing the participants’ self-awareness. How you relate to your parents/caregivers based on your own described childhood experiences may be how you relate to others (when you have allowed others to get close to you). How are your close relationships working for you…, I leave you to ponder.

It has always enthralled me to notice how the valuable relationships in our lives tend to be the relationships we either squeeze the life out of or are reluctant to give life to for the sake of fear. Our most intimate and valued relationships take the most blows to the chest. I cautioned my audience to self-reflect and to remember the initial onset of pain in their life.

Often times, in fact, all of the time I believe it is not the people in our newest relationships we have the problems with; the problems exists with those from our childhood relationships, who impressed upon us an unhealthy influence in our developing thoughts. That person of influence could be the elementary school teacher, a grandparent, a childhood friend or that friend’s parent, who left dirty footprints on your mind. But best believe, during your impressionable years is where the pain started and was not corrected.

So why is it still dark in my own relationships and the pain still burdens me in my adult life, you might ask. As I continued to peel back layers of the onion, of course everyone agreed that some reasons may be relative to having not let go of the emotions behind the experience, not forgiving the perpetrator, and possibly not having the courage to talk about the pain to prevent feelings of judgment. All reasons are quite real and to some obvious; however, the next layer of the onion relates to the individual having not reached a place where history causes one to have compassion towards the accused.

For example, while delivering my message I referred to how as a child, I watched my mother emasculate men, which eventually became my own language in relationships and part of the reason why my relationships in my younger years did not work. Through listening to my mother, I learned the history behind her actions. During my presentation, she shared her story about when she was a child, she watched her father abuse her mother, which caused for her to become motherless at seven years old.

Apparently, she decided within her own thoughts that she would never experience what her mother experienced from a man. That lesson for her influenced not only how she mothered but also how she operated within relationships, and later how I would operate in relationships.

Since everyone has been influenced some way somehow, I challenge you to see all situations as a repeating cycle that we reciprocate unless, someone steps up and speaks. Stop the cycle of darkness in your immediate circles first, then within your community, and then the world.

Stopping the cycle does not necessarily mean telling the person who caused you pain how they have hurt you – that is just the beginning. Stopping the cycle may mean praying for the person who caused you great pain with a pure heart and genuine intent. Stopping the cycle may also mean loving them through your actions even if they are not at the place where they can love you back as you desire to be loved. You be consistent! Stopping the cycle may mean giving more of you in valued relationships even if the other person appears as a taker. I strongly believe that while you are doing your part from your heart, you will soon reap what you have continually sowed.

So yeah, the world may seem to be getting darker but there is light within us all to keep the world shining. First, let’s concentrate on making our world within arms reach shine bright like a diamond. I did…

To better influence your relationships…the great Dr. Angelou said it best

Make people feel good!

LF