Create Space

Sunday morning on the 16th of this month, I rose around 6am-ish and noticed the moisture in the air from the night rain. My body wanted to be in the moisture to capture the softness of the soil so I could get to uprooting long existing weeds from my Mother’s backyard flower beds. I didn’t have a vision of how metaphorical the experience would be in comparison to life, my own that is.

I first found myself a little uncertain as to which direction I would take because there was no plan other than to de-weed the flower beds for the soiree my Mother wants to host. (Word to the Wise: When you are planning a change, allow yourself to dream of what change looks like. Then you will have a potential roadmap.) The thought of me wanting to be amongst the morning dew while most were still asleep, just to get my nails muddy (because no matter how many pair of gloves I have on, my nails still seemed to get blessed by the soil) made me recognize my body wanted to be close to the earth and needed a release. So I started pulling. (Word to the Wise: If we just start pulling to get rid of old stuff that’s been lingering around too long, whether they’re habits of our own or people who influence habits we unwillingly embrace, we may cause complications. Although, we might just need to get the process started and figure out next steps later.) I noticed after being hunched over for a few, I had to get lower, nearly sitting in the flower beds in order for me to feel the deadened leaves I needed to pull. Immediately, my thoughts began analyzing how slow of a process it was becoming. I needed to sit with the dirt or else, the weeds small or out of site, would still be there.

As I glanced at my watch to see how much time I had left until I would need to begin preparing for my 10am appointment, I ran to the basement, grabbed a gardening shovel and knife, my gloves and went to work.

Here’s what I ran into that I believe is worth sharing:

1. Roots have systems that become interwoven into other systems (everything) and creates difficulty to separate. Roots empower one another to remain linked. In respect to weeds and wanting to save the life of my Mom’s plants without killing much of the plant, sometimes the entire plant has to go depending on how strong the weeds have become with embracing the plant’s root system. While digging, into what I thought was “deep into the soil”, I noticed the weeds were almost braided with the roots of the plants and flowers.
2. When digging to uproot weeds, there’s a sound you’ll hear if you’re listening – and that’s the sound of breaking. The point at which the shovel makes contact with the roots of the weeds and possibly your plants and flowers creates a cut. In human form, cuts usually are followed with loud cries, possibly screams of agony. Something is heard from a cut, maybe an “Ouch!” You may hear complaints, verbal attacks, victimization of you or from the one you’re in relationship with, and or manipulative charming, for a few examples. You might even experience unwarranted rejection. Acknowledge the sounds, even your own sounds from the detachment. Disconnecting hurts. Period. And disconnecting hurts all involved, unfortunately. It is perfectly fine to lament. To lament after a separation, loss, change or a cut is to express yourself; or otherwise what is not expressed settles, festers, becomes dormant and like weeds, interlaces with other areas of your life or relationships you interact with at some point or another. Per research completed by two of my previous students, Melissa Johnson and Zane Schwaiger, lamenting does not have to necessarily be a sobbing experience but it is definitely a pouring out from yourself, from your soul and has no timeframe of conclusion. Sit and think with me for a minute… If we’re talking about expressing self, pouring out from our emotional experiences of disconnection then that experience of lament can look like whatever we need it to look like (writing, poetry, music, exercising, and yep, even gardening – for a few examples). 
3. Detaching from roots I imagine for the plants was a painful experience just as it would be for me. I started imagining how my clients possibly felt during our moments of creating healthier habits as they experimented with letting go of unhealthy routines that were damaging to their self-confidence. To keep from having to elaborate on the qualities of damaging relationships, let’s just hold true that any experience with any person whose behaviors impact you from being productive spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially is damaging. There! Oh, and let’s not discriminate against self. We also can be damaging to ourselves with our negative self-talk. Your relationship with yourself may be inclusive to this concept, such as the negative self-talk you tell yourself when you are avoiding the perceived rejection from others. So, the physical experience which follows the scream is – an open space. After getting into a rhythm of de-weeding and feeling productive, I was now looking at – an opportunity! Open space where new seeds can now be planted, different seeds… was healing for me.
4. Envisioning the newness following the hard work allowed my body to release, connect to the earth as well as connect to the vision of the future. What flowers and plants were I now about to plant so this soiree can be colorful?

It’s a new season folks and we have come into a new land. We must make room for the new and that comes with a price. A price of separation, change, disconnecting from long-term weeds. Upon arriving at my 10am appointment, who would have thought that there would be plants waiting for me to walk away with to plant in my now, open space… (This is where we all smile).

In my previous post I stated with such intensity – LET THE HOUSE BURN DOWN. Well, now I’m saying, “DE-WEED YOUR LIFE AND CREATE SPACE FOR THE NEWNESS THAT IS COMING”.

Don’t worry about when it’s coming or who’s coming, just trust in the notion that YOU created the space. My new plants came the same day, in fact, within hours. Ponder on that and embrace the new vision.

As we near the end of Mental Health Awareness Month – identify the weeds in your life with your therapist and how much they choke the life out of you.