From Grieving to Mourning…

~~~RELEASING YOUR GRIEF to MOURNING~~~

Loss is a universal experience. When “it” happens, maybe suddenly or through long suffering, the human body can never be totally prepared for the final departure. Our body’s go into a state of intense emotional expressions (grief). Depending on the relationship, mentally we may or may not travel through the five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.

One of the hardest parts of accepting the loss of a loved one is refusing to believe the loss is actually happening or has happened (denial). The denial of the circumstance is only to protect what we are not ready to accept (defense mechanism).

Some may believe that being angry is the emotional expression that is most difficult to bear when losing some thing or someone so dear; however, it is actually a better state of being than denial. Though anger maybe illustrated toward self, others, and even God, feeling the anger, admitting that you are angry is the beginning of acknowledging that the loss is real and is really happening or has happened.

In some cases, people believe there is some semblance of control they may be able to obtain through bargaining (if this doesn’t happen…, I’ll do this…) in attempt to keep from facing the inevitable circumstance. This is another clever defense mechanism the mind conjures up to resist accepting the reality.

What may be the most difficult to experience and watch others experience is depression. When depression is one’s outcome from a loss, it is to be acknowledged that the person is in a stage of acceptance as well with an intense emotional attachment. In other words, the attachment was or is very strong that “I know they are gone, I’m just extremely sad about what “I’ve” lost.” This is okay, but monitor the individual from time to time.

If grief has become a strong presence in one’s life where others might be concerned for the person grieving, check to see if the person is emotionally stable, are they able to think progressively as before or are their thoughts fragmented (unclear), is their behavior normal or out of the ordinary, and are they maintaining some form of physical fitness. If answered no to the initial questions, your friend or relative may need additional attention and need to see a doctor.

Releasing your grief to mourning is arriving to a state of acceptance. Kubler-Ross believed the indication of acceptance is when the intensity of the emotional attachment to the lost has become less intense through identifying the loss objectively. Acknowledging the facts of the circumstance will hopefully help one understand the reality of the outcome and will release the pressure of thinking “I could have done something differently.”

To work through grief to reach the state of mourning, we must do the work. (adapted from Dr. William Worden, 4 Tasks of Grief & Mourning)

1. Accept the loss intellectually and emotionally: the loss cannot be reversed.

2. Work through the pain by not avoiding the pain or rushing the process. Talk about it, write about it, commemorate the experience.

3. Allow yourself to adjust to a new environment where the loss or deceased is not present. Search for a new meaning in the loss (i.e. loss of a loved one, relationship, job, ability, etc).

4. Emotionally, relocate the loss. Invest yourself emotionally into someone or something else.

As I prepare to conclude this post, I am first prodded to express gratitude for having experienced LOVE through many individuals in a multitude of expressions even in the midst of my own recent losses. That word LOVE… takes no time to form because the mere identity of Love is already in form and is hungered after by our spirit. It is my belief that when one’s intentions are pure and righteous, not self-serving or seeking, Love blooms. Love has no restraints; although when there is ill-will, love is present but the seer has no sight to capture Love’s essence. Blindness causes for people to believe Love is hard to find or in some cases “lost”. Excuse me while I laugh… Love is looking for us and if you found “love”, Love will never leave you. If you are looking for love, release your limitations, take off your fighting gloves, put down your machete, hold back the fire from your lips, open up your arms to embrace, close your eyes to listen to the voice of Love, relax your posture to be comforted, and look up!