San Francisco, CA
What is mindful listening? If I date back to my experience with Lee Mun Wah, an internationally renowned master diversity trainer, who is also known for his popular film “The Color of Fear”, in which I’m sure my fellow counselor educators and student trainees can identify watching in a Multicultural Counseling class, I would have to say listening without scripts playing in your head.
Lets back up and envision one of those intense fellowship moments, where you are in the midst of a dialogue with someone you care for and the only thing you can think of is making your point through defending yourself; or how wrong this person is in his/her judgments about you; or your things to do, people to see, and places to go list. I need you to ask yourself, “Do I care enough about this person to stop my wandering and just listen to this person’s heart?” If not, then why are you still, as you envision your previous intense fellowship, standing there? But if you do care enough to stop your mind from racing, congratulations! You’re ready to start “mindful listening” where you connect with the individual outside of yourself to take time to listen to what the heart is asking for – understanding. As you listen, each time a distracting thought wants to interrupt your new found place of compassion, it’s ok to pause and say “Ok, I’m back” or shake your head and scream “NO!” This may make the other person look at you strangely and ask if you’re ok – but once you explain your heart’s intention, it may create a laugh.
Taken from Lee’s diversity training materials based on The Art of Mindful Facilitation the following are 9 healthy ways to communicate, 6 possible questions to ask, and two leading statements that encourages mindful listening. Be blessed.
- Reflect back what is being said. Use their words, not yours.
- Begin where they are, not where you want them to be.
- Be curious and open to what they are trying to say.
- Notice what they are saying and what they are not saying.
- Emotionally relate to how they are feeling. Nurture the relationship.
- Notice how you are feeling. Be honest and authentic.
- Take responsibility for your part in the conflict or misunderstanding.
- Try to understand how their past affects who they are and how those experiences affect their relationship with you.
- Stay with the process and the relationship, not just the solution.
The Art of Mindful Inquiry
“What I heard you say was…”
“Tell me more about what you meant by…”
“What angered you about what happened?”
“What hurt you about what happened?”
“What’s familiar about what happened?”
(How did that affect you? How does it affect you now?)
“What do you need/want?”
Written by: Dr. Fuller
